On the eve of my sixteenth post-college break up, I decided to heed the advice of my family and married friends; I should meet a nice Christian man. This advice is most strange to me because I do not consider myself a Christian (and have not for over a decade) and secondly, what would be the difference of dating a Christian vs. non-Christian at this point in my life?
I emailed and messaged the few single Christian men I knew, I joined three Christian dating websites and even went to a Christian Singles mixer in town. I asked the men what they desired in a woman, what expectations did they have and how did I (or could I) fit that expectation?
Seeing myself through their eyes was humbling and frustrating. The truth is that I am undesirable for most because I am getting to old to have multiple children, I have been divorced, I have tattoos, I am too independent and I am not petite.
I find this investigation to be especially enlightening in 2012 as I watch Republican candidates discuss family values, birth control and the church’s role in school and government.
Part One: Expectations of Dating and Marriage
I’m looking for the old-fashioned housewife type, right down to canning and sewing. I can do anything with my hands, build, repair, create, modify and so on. You'll never have to hire a mechanic or a repairman. I would like to build a homestead with that special someone and raise a quiver full of children.
- Kentucky 36
Q: What I'd like to do on a first date...
A: I am not picky, but I would prefer a group setting at first for the sake of accountability.
- South Carolina 23
Q: What I'd like to do on a first date...
A: TAKE $200 DOLLARS AND GO TO THE MALL. THEN EACH PERSON WOULD TAKE $100 Dollars AND GO BUY THE OTHER PERSON A OUTFIT TO WEAR FOR THE REST OF THE DATE. THE DATE WOULD INCLUDE A AMAZING DINNER, MAYBE A MOVIE OR JUST LISTING TO SOME LIVE BANDS.
- Arkansas 39
I am a shy dependable honest loyal to a fault Christian man looking for a woman to share my life with .I really don't know what to wright on these things it is my first time doing this. I am a member of the Black Sheep Harley Davidson's For Christ Motorcycle Ministry and am looking for someone like minded and would like to have some fun and serve God at the same time.
- California 38
Call me old fashioned, but there are certain beliefs that I have that seem out of line with much of the world today. Like what, you might ask? Well, marriage is permanent. Sex is for married couples only, and, similarly, you are only a virgin once. Tithing is mandatory, as is regular church attendance. Those are probably the "most important" things, though definitely not the only ones.
- Wisconsin 29
What I am looking for:
Someone that I am attracted to. Although beauty may fade, mental, emotional, and spiritual connection will strengthen to support physical and sexual attractiveness. 37 year old or younger Christian female (may accept applications for a little older) Wanting to have children or willing to adopt. Being Active is a must. I want someone that enjoy getting exercise and a healthy lifestyle whether it be doing yard work, hitting the gym, playing sports, or doing some outdoor activity. I am not vane or Narcissistic but I expect to be willing to stay healthy with oneself as well as each other.
If you have more than one child and are over my age, please do not message me. Because I grew up accepting of peoples children into my own parents family, I would like to put restriction on who I am looking for to meet. When one has two and three children, and over my age, the window becomes smaller on what I am looking for in the family. But although what I want in life and what God provides is two different things and that is were prayer comes in. Ideally, eventually, I would like minimum of one biological child but will accept one from marriage, and one biological, or one from marriage, and one adopted, or one from marriage, and one biological and one adopted. I am not in a hurry to get into a relationship, get married, and have kids but looking for the Right companion to live out the rest of our lives together.
- Florida 38
I'm looking for a real sweetheart, who is well grounded in the Word of God,active in church or missions, physically active, has a goofy sense of humor, and ready to be a helpmate and teammate. I joined the military recently as part of overall career goal (ask me about this) and will mostlikely be in for the next few years. Whoever will darespend life with me will have to have a sense of patriotism and be able to support my work in the military.
- New York 39
I am an American Christian Soldier. I have been in service to our Lord since I was born. I have been in the US Army for 11 yrs. I am our going and loveto play sports. I am also quite and reserved at times. I have been involed in the ministry for 6 years, worship team leader, youth gruop leader. My ex pastor is my best friend and mentor. will continue to praise the Lord until he decides to call me to our heavenlyhome.
- Michigan 34
I am a shy person. The more I am around someone the more I open up. I am a hard worker. Someone told me tonite I have beatiful eyes. I am a very caring & loving person and would do anything for you and this how I get taken advantage of!
- South Carolina 38
I think a lasting relationship happens when you both put God first in your lives. So i want to be able to grow in Christ with the girl that Idate. I also personally believe in no sex before marriage and that is why im a Virgin. I want to experience intimacy like that with my wife and God.
- Virginia 24
I grew up in a conservative, Godly home. I am the second oldest of 10 children. Someday I would also like to have a large family too. At the moment I am teaching Math and Science in bush Alaska.If you are looking for someone that is up to date on the latest fads or sportsteams then I am not your type. I am not very excitable about much so if you are looking for someone that gets excited and likes to do energetic things then maybe you shouldn't be considering me. However, this also means that I am quite easy to get along with because I don't get upset easily. I do enjoy playing sports though. However, I don't like playing them everyday all day. I also like games that make me think.One of the reasons that I am not up to date on the latest stuff is because I grew up without a TV and I was home schooled. If you are the type of person that thinks that home schoolers are dumb and socially inept then you should also look elsewhere. I have never smoked or drank alcohol before. I am also still a virgin. I am looking for someone that is like minded about raising children in a like manor. Without all of the clutter of today's society thrust upon them.
- Arkansas 26
I am looking for a fun but traditional woman who is family oriented, intelligent, and has a good head on her shoulders. Being able to have an intelligent conversation is very important to me. I like to know your opinions and thoughts. I am in the education business, working on a history Ph.D. I may teach college or go back to teaching high school if the situation is right. I look forward to starting a family with the right person or being apart of your if you already have children. I have strong opinions about parenting in this modern world. I think there has been an abandonment of time-tested methods of child rearing, especially when it comes to discipline. Whatever happened to "spare the rod and spoil the child" ? I was raised with Biblical discipline (spanking) and I think it really shaped me into who I am today. I would really hope my potential mate agrees with me on this, as it is important to me. I see the result of undisciplined children every day when I teach.
- Missouri 31
I love spending time with my children. They are priority #1 in my life. I do not have many hobbies other than my children which keep me busy helping to coach soccer and baseball, rollerskating, etc... I am very involved in children's ministry at my church. I teach the 4-7year old class and am part of the leadership team that is overseeing the changes to the children's ministry as God takes us to the next level (and it is exciting). One other thing I do enjoy doing is cooking.
- Pennsylvania 31
I was raised in the Jehovah's Witness cult and can easily see through the fallacy and evil of such mind-control groups. I enjoy being outdoors, being active, and enjoy sports and sporting events. I enjoy studying and exploring the creation of God and learning as much as possible (within reason), appreciate the small things in life as well as the greater joys. I'mseeking a warm, caring, intelligent, honest woman who desires to be a better person every day. Money is the never going to be a factor in meetingthe right person. My experience with the Witness cult taught me to "check all things" to be sure of their merits and claims. The cult is one of the biggest hoaxes is American history and if anyone would like to know more, the information is out there in abundance. Hit me up if you are interested.
- Kansas 25
I'm not hugely influenced by the opposite sex. Not when it comes to things that are real anyway.
- Tennessee 31
I am not "down to earth." I am not "laid back." I am passionate, idealistic, and eccentric about whatever I do; even if it is nothing at all. I am looking for someone unique, energetic, spunky, spontaneous, difficulty to predict, hopefully a bit "clingy" and perhaps even a bit "nerdy."
- Maryland 34
I could be your Dream Husband come true. I performed in alot of Las Vegas Casinos. Have done Special music for Joyce Meyers & other ministrys. I play 20 instruments & sing & dance.Had my own radio show in Vegas & co-hosted a local T.V. show. I also owned a couple of busineses that heiped fund my ambitions) I left Vegas in 08' due to the financial colapse & moved back to Pacific Beach in San Diego. Im a sucessful Day-Trader & im totally debtfree. if you have these talents & experiences that im looking for, then I believe were meant to be together as a team to bring the Glory,Power,Presence,Anointing & Deliverance of the Lord into the secular realm & set the captives free.
Im very free in the Lord & have a specialrelationship with him & im very non- religious. Jesus drank wine & i like to have champane & corona on occasion. As far as looks, Must be Caucasion ,Sexy,beautiful,petite & Loving. i stay in shape. i expect the the same. i know i have narrowed down my dates & thats ok. im just looking for my awesome Wife. XOXOXO
- California 37
Besides being a Christian, I'm a also a computer geek, gamer (console and PC games), model railroader, rail fan, plane spotter - just an all-around nerd I guess. I'll watch Star Trek, Star Wars or just about any other sci-fi program if I find time. (No, I'm not one of "those" Trekkies; I have other things to do besides - science fiction is not my entire life.)
- Wisconsin 29
I feel strongly called into ministry. What has been on my heart for many years was creating a Christian video game. Not just any game, and not one trying to be churchy or go with the pattern others have gone. But, one that sends a message to the world that has not been sent through gaming media before. This may sound odd or confusing to some of you, but I DO consider this a ministry. One that I have been really particularly called to. If you consider me a heretic, or unmarriable by those standards, then I have a feeling that will be proven wrong one of these days.
- Tennessee 31
I'm a bit of a jock, part geek,part monkey (i like to climb), part comedian, part teddy bear(cuddlebug)....For my values I uphold strong convictions in my life, I'm a virgin and I don't drink, smoke or even curse. I think its also in important to take care of the body God has given me, so I actively train my body when i can.
- Illinois 26
If you and I were to bump into each other in the adjective aisle at the local Word Emporium, these would be some descriptive morsels you would NOT see in my cart (because I already own them): Energetic, Outgoing, Naturally Curious, Honest, Thoughtful, Loyal, Playful, Quick-Witted, Passionate, Affectionate, Creative, and Off-Beat . . . what can I say - double coupon days must've paid off in the past!
- Wisconsin 44
I'm honest,mature ,responsible,down to earth.Don't cuss or swear.Treat girls with the respect they want and deserve.I think I you will find Im alot better looking on the inside than on the outside.
- Indiana 34
I prefer not to try to show off, which means an inexpensive restaurant or a restaurant that I have a coupon for. I'm not much in agreement with most Hollywood movies, but if we were to decide to go to a movie, I don't have any convictions to first stop at the grocery store for candy and liquids, as long as we don't leave the empty trash behind (pack it in, pack it out). I enjoy and get a thrill out of saving money, (currently out necessity) and I can quickly find out if she is like minded. I'm would prefer to acquire her parent's permission to meet her, though I understand this may not always be necessary or appropriate.
- California 34
I've toured all over the US in bands trying to do the rock star thing, played on cruise ships been all over the western hemisphere. I currently play jazz guitar and sing the old jazz standards sorta Frank Sinatra/harry Connick jr.ish style in my own little jazz trio. Just more work and funtimes, but i would love to play in a Hillsong-like praise and worship band if i ever got the chance instead. Touring was fun but I'mready to settle down a bit, while naturally still ready to go wherever God leads me (us) in His service. I'm very happy for my future andliving to serve the Lord. :) I have had little to no experience dating but God has taught me a lot about people and I am always surprised at what is revealed when a lesson is finished.
- Oklahoma 32
If your not into southern, blues'y, throw down, jammin gospel music, then im probably not for you. lol CAUSE I LOVE IT! :) Im a K9 Deputy assigned to our Drug Unit here at my hometown. So, unless your a drug dealer, you will pretty much always see a smile on me! :)
- Georgia 35
- Maryland 42
FAMILY: I live with my parents but plan to move out sometime. My dad works in the He Majesties Customs & Excise (to do with tax (VAT)) and my mum is apart time teacher, teaching children learning difficulties. I have one brother who is 2yrs younger and mildy mentally ill. I have one sister who is 4 years younger who has an adorable daughter whom I see often.
FUTURE PLANS (God willing): I would like to get married, have children (preferably not straight after getting married preferably about 2yrs after getting married (open to discussion on this), I feel God is calling me to USA one day, whether it is tomorrow or 30yrs time. I would like to and I am working towards is a full-time career in photography (weddings & events, studio portraiture, product shots, art photography and landscape). Presumably when I am in my 40s or 50s I will begin the marriage counselling that God has called me to.
PHYSICAL: I was born 3 June 1978 and 6 ft 1 in height. Weight - 11.5 stone (73kg) Eyes - blue-grey around the outer edge, hazel-brown around the centre of the iris and a ring of amber in between. I am short-sighted, thus I wear glasses. A virgin.
- UK 32
Huge comic book fan. Love to go to the movies. Vast amount of trivial knowledge. Odd sense of humor. Inate sense of justice (reading too many comoc books). Looking for Godly woman. Loves to laugh, great sense of humor, smart, compassionate. Never had a girlfriend. They can't seem to get past that "Friends" mentality.
- Texas 39
A lot of people tell me I'm funny, however my overdeveloped modesty won't allow me to confirm or deny that. Anyway I've always felt that God would someday drop the right person into my lap. I've been so careful with relationships, that I've only had ONE count em one serious girlfriend in my entire life. ( unless you count fourth grade. ) My main goal on here is to simply make a friend. I'm not your average go out and @#$% everything you see kind of guy. A lot of girls out there find this strange. I suppose they like that alpha dude, but I detest it. Oh well that's all for now!
- Kansas 29
I'M SINGLE NICE LAID BACK KIND OF GUY YOU LIKES TO GO TO MOVIES, PLAY VIDEO GAMES LISTEN TO ALL KIND OF MUSIC. I WORK FOR HOBBY LOBBY BE THERE FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS.
- Texas 36
I sent the following message to 40 Christian men:
I am looking for YOUR ideal vision of a future mate; the more detailed the scenario the better. I will act out that vision/situation in either a video or a photo, depending on the situation. Feel free to ask questions, I don't want to suggest too much, I want to know what that vision looks like to you.
The camera will be used as your point of view. Can you paint a scene for me? Since you don't really know me what would an ideal everyday event look like? What would we be doing? What would I look like (what I would wear)? It could be anything!
I have received over 20 detailed replies to my message. I am in process of filming and creating the men's ideal mate. It was suggested to me numerous times that I look “athletic”, I am currently in the process of losing 15 pounds so I can continue the project.
Part Three: My Attempts To Meet Expectations
Request One: Illinois
● i think you should wear a dress. polka dotted dress.
● we'll have to decide whether they're big or little polka dots.
● send me a couple of samples.
● it should be navy.
● i think.
● your hair, we'll have to decide if it's up or half up or down.
● it should be cared for.
● like, the main focus would be you serving me impeccably. i'd be absent.
● you'd be gentle.
● you'd be sweet.
● you'd be courteous. but not overly anything.
● probably reserved enough that it's not overdone.
● i like the idea of a single take, but i'm afraid that wouldn't be possible.
Request Two: Michigan 28
Perhaps something to illustrate the grind of everyday life connected to a beautiful partnership. Waking up at 6am still tired as you look at the clock, you turn and look at me ( aka the camera) with a tired half smile), get out of bed, no makeup, jogging clothes, and put your hair in a ponytail with a rubber band as I get up too, we walk out of the house into the semi light, give each other a high five, and begin jogging out together. You see our backs as we jog into the rising sun. These could be a series of pictures or just one.
Request Three: Georgia 29
I see her wearing the hell out of a sweet pair of hip (as in really cool, not the body part) jeans and a cute summer top walking next to me in the grocery store. I'm pushing the cart as we grab a few more things before we head up to the family reunion, and we both just can't stop laughing from something we saw, and subsequently riffed on. We manage to get the rest of what we need, and she throws in one more bottle "just for us, just in case." Nose wrinkle. We're still laughing when we get to the self-checkout, which of course doesn't work very well and since we got some drinks, the nice watchperson has to come over and check my ID. This of course gives me the chance to riff some more, and we're laughing all over again. We finally make it to the car, and set off for the lake to see all the fam. On the way there, we're listening to gospel bluegrass, and she always sings the right harmony. We might hit pause and just sing a few old hymns a cappella, and swap stories about grandma's and grandpa's favorite hymns, and the times we all sang them together. Only to do it again shortly after dinner when we finally arrive at the cottage. When we do walk in the door, the whole crew gives a "HEY" just out of joy. We do this for everybody else who walks in, too. She embraces it. After everyone else has pretty much turned in for the night, we go out on the deck with a cocktail and soak up the moonlight reflected off the water. We watch the stars and chat in the quiet until our bug spray wears off. She looks really cute in her bedtime tank top and pony tail brushing her teeth before bed. I can see her from where I lay, and I'm just blown away by her. When she crawls into bed, she gives me a kiss and says, "I still don't know how you slipped through the cracks. I can't believe I found you."
Request Four: Massachusetts 34
mine is simple. I want her/you to express to me that she/you wants to have a baby. My baby. And it is a very happy and tender moment. and kind of shy and warm and comforting. and everything feels ok. and peaceful.
Request Five: Illinois 28
I'm getting off a plane. Plain old commercial flight, but I'm the last guy off. Maybe I had to go back and grab something, I don't know. I'm coming down the gangway and I get to the sort of waiting area -- it's morning, and the sun is streaming through giant plate glass windows. It seems like a smaller airport -- I get the vibe that it's in Ireland, but no definitive proof. There is a seating area off to the left, which I see first, and slightly turn right to get to my destination. And there she is. She's sitting on the back of her heels, looking into a backpack. She's sideways to me, and her long bouncy brown hair is blocking her face. I know it's gotta be her, or at least that there's something holy about this girl. Then she turns to look at me, and right before I can see her face, the dream is over. I had that dream powerfully a handful of times my freshman year of college, now almost ten years ago (gasp). A spiritual mentor of mine at the time without any provocation of any kind told me that that vision was of God. It is easily the single most confusing, frustrating, yet hopeful thing in my life.
Request Six: Oregon 25
She is wearing a Cubs shirt, we could be reading together after the kids go to bed. Or we could all be in the kitchen cutting pizza in squares. I want one son and one daughter.
Request Seven: Tennessee 32
first thing in the morning, natural light only in the house. my girl wakes up before me and is downstairs (cathedral ceilings) making some breakfast at an easy pace. (not stressed or forced.. she wanted to hook it up this morning cuz we are a good team).. her mood is light. the default emotion or response to anything is play chuckle.. she defiinitely has some good music (probly motown) on the Bose sound dock...Also, shes def wearin one of her t-shirts with no bra.
Request Eight: Michigan 29
For me, my preference is an athletic, lean, medium height, straight haired, Caucasian women. But that is just a check mark exercise for me, then she has so many more qualifiers like being a Christian not just by confession alone, but by lifestyle meaning she desires spending time alone reading scripture, she desires to fellowship with other believers outside of church, and she humbles her desires to take on the heart of God. This impacts who she is alone but also who she is as a friend and hopefully a girlfriend/wife. For me, an athletic, lighthearted, humorous, adventurous mate is a must since I spend a lot of my time hiking, traveling for fun, biking, dealing with less than comfortable situations in other countries, and playing sports. In some ways I am looking for a partner in these things but also just a general appreciation for them would be very attractive. I want someone to love; I want to be loved; I want someone to share with; I want someone to partner with me in loving others in a warm home. She must be educated to some extent and want to have kids.
Request Nine: New Jersey 35
I want to see you with our daughter, she should be about 3 or 4...maybe you could be making a movie for me while you are at home and I am at work or out of town on a conference. It doesn’t have to be great quality, I just want to know that you guys are thinking of me when I’m away.
Request Ten: North Carolina 37
The one Im looking for ...well I tend to be most attracted and get along best with artistic and free spirited people. Have your own hobbies and interests a must; I have a wide array of interests and like to keep up with them. If you can share in those interests: writing, artisan crafts and functional art. Stevie Nicks, if you are available, all others need not apply.
Request Eleven: North Carolina 23
First date she would have to meet my parents first, Then do have dinner somewhere nice and then to a movie.
Request Twelve: Virginia 24
I would like to have kids someday. I want to make toys for them, spend time with them, and teach them stuff, and read to them. :) I have fruit trees, dogs, cats, a turtle, & a hamster. :) I like mudding, going to tractor pulls & car shows, riding bikes, driving with the windows down, etc. :) I like to work on cars, cook, read, ride 3 and 4 wheelers, weld, canoe, kayak, go for walks on the beach, etc. Want to find someone special to do these things with me. :) Maybe hop in the truck on the spur of the moment and go out for boiled peanuts or a walk by the lake.... :)
Request Thirteen: Virginia 31
You could say I'm looking for a Proverbs 31 woman! A Holy Hottie! I have a great time eating at restaurants (Mexican, Mediterranean, Japanese, Thai), watching sports, and great movies. I'm even looking forward to watching "Chick Flicks" with "my girl" and cuddling on the couch.
Request Fourteen: North Carolina 35
I am looking for companionship with a woman that shares the same interests, and thirst for life. I feel that this poem sums me up best, maybe you can relate to it?
I’m a modern man
Digital and smoke-free;
A man for the millennium
A diversified, multi-cultural,
Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect.
I’ve been uplinked and downloaded,
I’ve been inputted and outsourced.
I know the upside of downsizing.
I know the downside of upgrading.
I’m a high-tech low-life.
A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art,
And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.
I’m new-wave, but I’m old-school;
And my inner child is outward-bound.
I’m a hot-wired, heat-seeking,
Warm-hearted cool customer;
Voice-activated and bio-degradable.
I interface with my database
My database is in cyberspace;v So I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive,
And from time to time I’m radioactive.
But I'm feeling, I'm caring,
I'm healing, I'm sharing.
A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary-care giver.
I'm a non-believer,
I'm an over-achiever;
Laid-back and fashion-forward.
I'm super-sized, long-lasting,